tisdag 18 december 2007

Packad och glad

Ja, då var sista väsklocket igenknött.
Och alla checklistor avcheckade.
Imorgon bitti går planet till varmare breddgrader.

Ja, herregud, vad skönt det ska bli!

Beroende på uppkopplingsmöjligheterna kanske det dröjer innan jag hörs av igen.
Under tiden kan du roa dig med en grej som jag fnissade åt runt millenieskiftet.
Den håller fortfarande:



It has been brought to the management’s attention that some individuals have been using foul and abusive language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from some of the more sensitive staff, this type of language can no longer be tolerated.

However, the management realizes the importance of staff being able to express their feelings when communicating with other employees. To this end, our Human Resources department have compiled a list of code phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offence to our more easily offended employees. The phrases are as follows:

OLD PHRASE : Absolutely no fucking chance
NEW PHRASE: I’m fairly sure that’s not feasible

OLD PHRASE : You lying cunt
NEW PHRASE: Are you quite sure about that?

OLD PHRASE : Tell someone who gives a fuck
NEW PHRASE: Have you informed the management about that?

OLD PHRASE : It’s got fuck all to do with me
NEW PHRASE: I don’t think I was involved in that project

OLD PHRASE : Shove a brush up my arse and I’ll sweep the fucking floor as well
NEW PHRASE: Would you like me to do that for you as well?

OLD PHRASE : Am I the only twat here
NEW PHRASE: Would someone else care to answer the telephone

OLD PHRASE : You haven’t got a fucking clue
NEW PHRASE: Perhaps you need a little more training in this

OLD PHRASE : This place has gone to rat shit
NEW PHRASE: The office is looking a little untidy

OLD PHRASE : Eat shit and die mother fucker
NEW PHRASE: I think I told you this would happen

OLD PHRASE: You over paid shit for brains
NEW PHRASE: You’re my boss and I respect that

OLD PHRASE : Fuck off smart arse
NEW PHRASE: Well-done

OLD PHRASE : She’s a ball-busting bitch
NEW PHRASE: She’s a full time career woman

OLD PHRASE : Get out of my face, dog breath
NEW PHRASE: I don’t think I require your assistance

OLD PHRASE : Raving fucking arse bandit
NEW PHRASE: He’s very much in touch with his feminine side

OLD PHRASE : Boy, are you in the shit
NEW PHRASE: Does the boss know about this?

OLD PHRASE : Kiss my fucking arse
NEW PHRASE: I’d rather not if you don’t mind

OLD PHRASE : Who the fuck are you?
NEW PHRASE: Are you new here?

OLD PHRASE : No cunt told me
NEW PHRASE: I wasn’t given that piece of information

OLD PHRASE : What sort of clueless fuck wit are you?
NEW PHRASE: You haven’t done this before, have you?

OLD PHRASE: You’ve made a right cock-up of that
NEW PHRASE: It’s the sort of mistake anyone could make

OLD PHRASE: I’m dying for a shit
NEW PHRASE: I’m going to wash my hands

OLD PHRASE: It’s fucked It’s broken but
NEW PHRASE: I think I can fix it

OLD PHRASE: It’s completely fucked
NEW PHRASE: It’s broken beyond repair

OLD PHRASE : Fuck off
NEW PHRASE: I’d like to be alone for a while if you don’t mind

OLD PHRASE : Fuck off you cunt
NEW PHRASE: You are a very rude man

5 kommentarer:

Anonym sa...

Hoppas ni får en alldeles underbar resa, jul och nyår. Sköt om er!

Nemo sa...

Ha det hur gött som helst... koppla av, koppla ner och koppla från. Semester it is...

Anonym sa...

Ha det så bra. Ta en paraplydrink nån kväll och tänk på en Göteborgsadvokat som sitter i mörkret i Göteborg och avundas er :-)

Anonym sa...

Här är en till som avundas...Ha det så trevligt!!!

Anonym sa...

OLD PHRASE : Fuck off!
NEW PHRASE: Have a sunkissed Christmas!